I'm in a mess and I miss you.

This post is dedicated to my girlfriend.

Hey babe, I know you'll never forgive me this time. Not ever. Since you said, "Why should I?!?!" My life took a huge turn after you said that.

I've no idea how to apologize what happened on Saturday. A thousand sorries. It won't help, I know. I'm dying inside, knowing this is gonna end. Soon. I cried. I cried a lot.

I cried 9 times yesterday night. Cried till I suffered from a headache which lasted until now. These 3 months, you're the only one that can make me smile, just by saying hi.

I still remembered our first date out to town. Our first kiss outside Ngee Ann City.

After every date, I hoped to send you home to make sure you're safe. I would do ANYTHING and I mean anything to make sure you reach home safe and sound.

Missing the last train sometimes ain't nothing to me when you're safe at home and going to sleep with a smile on your face. I always reminded myself that your happiness is my number one priority. I failed to sort of "fulfill" that sometimes.

I'm definitely gonna miss traveling from places to places without you by my side. Taking the public transport without you resting on my shoulders. I'm tearing up as I write this post. Sorry if you think that I ever took you for granted.

I know you already gave me TWO chances. I'm a stupid, stupid guy. I'm a bad boyfriend. I don't even dare to ask for the third chance. But please, if you could. I will go down on my knees. Do whatever you want me to.

"I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave." - Perfect - Hedley.

This song means a lot. I cried every time I listen to this song alone. It never fails.

Saturday, Jalan Raya. I cried on the bus 853. I had to borrow Diyana's shades to cover up my red eyes. Reason I cried?

Upon seeing Noris and Diyana being so cute and lovely, my tears can't help but to roll down. In my mind I think, "How I wish we were like this."

It's all my fault now. This already happened twice I guess. I've been skipping meals cause I was too depressed to even eat. I would run to the toilet, turn on the shower, play some loud music and just cry. Hoping that no one outside would hear me in despair.

I was planning to bring you to USS on our anniversary. I'm dying day by day, Tupas.

Sorry that I've EVER hurt you in anyway. I just don't know how to express it.

I'm always a shy fella towards you dear. Always. I need to man up just to talk to you. I'm not even kidding.

When I'm sad, no one can cheer me up but you. Now, I don't even know if you would text me ever again.

Remember what happened on Inez birthday? We were so close. I really missed that. I could remember each and every memory together with you.

With that being said, I love you, Kristine Tupas Querubin. How could I ever deny this. I'm deeply sorry.

My actions brought me huge regrets. - MJ. As you would call me, "Jay".

"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now." - Chevalier des Fleurs

Heard you cried today. I'm sorry. I "ignored" you because I thought you were angry at me the whole time after physics. So I thought I let you chill for a while. Don't misunderstand. I am not angry at you.

If you think I don't care, I always did. You meant everything to me. I miss you now. I just grew stronger, harder and less sensitive. Which I am happy about. Ignoring you wasn't a part of the changes. I'm sorry.

Based on all the fights we had, It's all about me being over sensitive. I overcame that. I'm not THAT sensitive anymore. I still care. A lot. Trust me.

Look, I didn't mean to ignore you. I thought you were really angry at me, so I didn't talk to you because I thought you would get even more pissed. I know that you're angry at me. I'd blame myself for that as well. A thousand sorries would not do it. Sorry for breaking promises again and again.

I remembered one time I told myself, "Your happiness is my first priority." I failed that, I'm sorry. I'm for the tears. This is all my fault. Reply me soon, Tupas.

Hurt once and hurt no more.

Emotional based song. 

What I vowed I must fulfill. There's no point.

Happy 2nd Monthsary, Tupas! Love you!

Latest photo of us both :)

HAPPY 2ND MONTHSARY KRISTINE. <3 <3 

Did you remember today?

8-6-11. This is where we lived life together. When you're sad, I'll be there. When I'm sad, You're there. 

When you're happy, I'm happy. I know you do not like me to be mushy, but, only for today (: 

We quarreled sometimes. But I think that is what make us come back stronger, yeah? (:

You know me, I'm awfully quiet, shy around people. Sorry (: I'm not talkative. But around you, I tried being talkative and stuff. Tried. Haha. I'm awkward that's why (: I hate that I'm not funny. But I tried to be and I fail miserably! HAHA. My cold jokes power right! (: 

Just to tell you that I appreciate whatever you've done for me. You changed me! (: 

Well, I love you, Kristine Tupas Querubin. I really do. Everyday I'm looking forward to see you during school hours. Cause seeing your smily face is what make me smily (: That sense of expectancy to look forward to another day. (: 

Not loving you is harder than you know.

Looking forward for the future! Hope what I still see, it's you! I love you! 

A simple analogy. Live well.

Life is like a blister. Blisters form when the skin is damaged by friction. After a while, it heals and sometimes turns "hard". When it does, the "hardened" scar acts like a shield. A shield from pain. It's like life. I guess.


After you get hurt the first time, you got to deal with the pain and wait for everything to heal. After the bullshit ends, your "hardened scar" aka your mind, becomes strong. Nothing seems to hurt anymore.


Everyone in life should face this "blister process". Well, I don't know if it is good or bad. This is just a simple analogy I came up.

Victim of another trap.

Well. Seriously. Who to turn to now? It feels like no one is there for me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

I seriously feel helpless. Sorry for being over sensitive. I just really care a lot. Sorry for being so naggy and irritating. Well. I really love you. As cheesy as it sounds but yeah.

Umpteen times I told you to change. Results were in vain. Well, sorry if I ain't good enough. Sorry if I'm not what you expect me to be. Sorry my feelings got in the way. Sorry for being restricting. But all this I said, I don't want it to sound like I don't care. But yeah.

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame you. Not at all. Not a single bit. I'm so sorry.

Don't know if anybody really reads my blog.

Now listening to, Escape The Fate - Not Good Enough For The Truth In Cliche.

Today was the bomb man! Met up with my fellow Young punk Kuan Tat to go for a haircut together. 

Waited for him at City Hall. Didn't have the patience to wait, so I went shopping first. So many band tees that I like! 

Bring Me The Horizon, Suicide Silence, Alesana, Escape The Fate, Bless The Fall, Avenged Sevenfold, My Chemical Romance, Mayday Parade. AH SO MANY MORE. Name it you have it. 

At first, I doubted the boss. He was like,"Name the band you want." I got skeptical NOT KNOWING his knowledge of knowing all the bands. I was like,"... erm Escape The Fate?" Boss - "Oh haven't come yet." 

He said,"Here got Bring Me The Horizon, Suicide Silence. Or you want newer bands like Mayday Parade? We got Mcr, maybe A7X?" I WAS LIKE :OOOOOOOO WHUT. 

$20 ONLY. 

Which one to get? DECISIONS. 

After that met up with Kuan Tat. Walked to MJ Toyko to cut hair bla bla. After haircut followed him go smoke. Haha fuck sia. 

I shouted "MATA/POLICE" he jump bodoh! WTF LOL.

After that dinner. Laugh like no tomorrow. LOLOL. After dinner follow him go second round. Followed by 3rd, 4th. LOLOL.

Went to the airport after that. Pick my cousin up. WOOO HAPPYBOI! :) 

Her luggage DAMN heavy. LOL. 

HOME. 

Mika Horiuchi. AH. *BURNS*

Lastest workout video.

Shit bricks people.

Was wearing 2 layers of shirt and a varsity jacket for weight cutting. 

Sorry for the sloppy punches or lack of footwork. I was purely doing it from anger. Pent up frustration!

I was so mad. So angry.

I did! Did you?

Now playing, City Of Sin - Escape The Fate. GEEZ. People should listen to more bands instead of mainstream nowadays. Nowadays mainstream are fucking lame and overrated.

Bands like, Escape The Fate, Hollywood Undead, Falling In Reverse, Alesana, Bring Me The Horizon, Suicide Silence, Black Veil Brides etc. DOPE. Yeah been practicing screaming for the past few weeks!




The Flood - Escape The Fate. <3 Post Hardcore.




Falling In Reverse - The Drug In Me Is You. <3




Hollywood Undead - Hear me now <3 <3 <3 (Rock and Rap)




Alesana - Apology. <3




Bring Me The Horizon - Chelsea Smile <3


 

Suicide Silence - Unanswered. MEGA LOVE. <3 <3


 

Black Veil Brides - Knives and Pen. <3



Well, these are COOL songs. I'm a douche. Whatever :)

Yesterday.

Didn't blog yesterday. Sorry! Internet is being a cunt. Well flag day was seriously fun. I like making friends! Sort of. Was very tired and sleepy so slept on the bus. SHIOKKK. Go back to school, like we were the last! I WOUDN'T MIND DOING IT AGAIN!

Came home, rest, went out(alone)! Went to buy my jeans. After that went Orchard to do something.
I ACTUALLY SHOP TILL I FORGOT THE PURPOSE OF GOING ORCHARD.


Actually I go Orchard to go Candylicious. Lost like a puppy! After that went around Orchard walking around aimlessly. Went to Lucky Plaza to dine.

I FORGET IT WAS LUCKY PLAZA. CREEPY STARES.

Looking like complete shit yesterday though! But no idea what to do today. Study anyone?

Long and wordy post. Sorry.

I was gonna tweet about this. But, I think I rather blog. But I don't think anyone else reads it. So, who cares.

Sometimes really. I just feel like breaking down. I feel helpless. Lowest of the lowest. When it's dark, I see no light. When I reach high above, I reach no stars. I just wanna, you know, give shit up.

Life fucks me very hard sometimes. It's something that I can't take. Claiming to be okay and smiling everyday. Yeah 99% of the time I'm really bright and cheerful. 1% of the time, the devil within me just
keeps reminding me of my awful past, and the heartbreaking future. Every time when I sit in class, I day dream. That's probably when the 1% comes in.

I really don't want this. Sometimes, it's really hard to share your problems with others. Be it your friends for 9 years or 11 years. Sometimes, the trust within someone is tested. It really got me whether to trust. Well, some of them out are worthy of my trust.

Right now I just feel really down. Hey devil. You won against me. You broke me. You tied me down with your chains of insecurities. What can I do? Congratulations.

I really couldn't bear to see the future. Or even thinking about it. The helpless me can get me no where. All the grieve and pain inside wanna just let out but the stubborn me just keeps on saying, "It's okay."

I like to cheer people up when they're sad. I like to be optimistic. But now, I don't want things to change. I still want to be optimistic, I still wanna be happy. But times like this, it's gonna be so hard. Really just writing a post about this, is making me really upset.

People say,"A problem shared is a problem halved." But, sometimes my problems are just so stupid. Over-thinking. Yes that's probably it.

People say, "The past is the past." Yeah I agree. But it really gets me thinking. Yeah you say the past is stupid. Yeah I'm pretty sure the 13 scars on my arms are stupid as well yeah? Yeah it's stupid. Really stupid.

I gave all my hope away, Isn't any left for me?
Take the knife and twist it. Where's my heart? You missed it. 
Breathing is a luxury that I just shouldn't have.


Well, I've got so much more to say. But it's probably time to sleep. Goodnight.

Long and wordy post. Sorry.

I was gonna tweet about this. But, I think I rather blog. But I don't think anyone else reads it. So, who cares.

Sometimes really. I just feel like breaking down. I feel helpless. Lowest of the lowest. When it's dark, I see no light. When I reach high above, I reach no stars. I just wanna, you know, give shit up.

Life fucks me very hard sometimes. It's something that I can't take. Claiming to be okay and smiling everyday. Yeah 99% of the time I'm really bright and cheerful. 1% of the time, the devil within me just
keeps reminding me of my awful past, and the heartbreaking future.

I really don't want this. Sometimes, it's really hard to share your problems with others. Be it your friends for 9 years or 11 years. Sometimes, the trust within someone is tested. It really got me whether to trust. Well, some of them out are worthy of my trust.

Right now I just feel really down. Hey devil. You won against me. You broke me. You tied me down with your chains of insecurities. What can I do? Congratulations.

I really couldn't bear to see the future. Or even thinking about it. The helpless me can get me no where. All the grieve and pain inside wanna just let out but the stubborn me just keeps on saying, "It's okay."

I like to cheer people up when they're sad. I like to be optimistic. But now, I don't want things to change. I still want to be optimistic, I still wanna be happy. But times like this, it's gonna be so hard. Really just writing a post about this, is making me really upset.

People say,"A problem shared is a problem halved." But, sometimes my problems are just so stupid. Over-thinking. Yes that's probably it.

People say, "The past is the past." Yeah I agree. But it really gets me thinking. Yeah you say the past is stupid. Yeah I'm pretty sure the 13 scars on my arms are stupid as well yeah? Yeah it's stupid. Really stupid.

I gave all my hope away, Isn't any left for me?
Take the knife and twist it. Where's my heart? You missed it. 
Breathing is a luxury that I just shouldn't have.


Well, I've got so much more to say. But it's probably time to sleep. Goodnight.

And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else.

Should not have went to the gym yesterday! Hurts like mad today. Especially that there is PE today.

Did incline pull ups. While some others did pull ups. I did 36!

After that we were supposed to do standing broad jump. Didn't have time for it.
But after class I tried it out and I jumped 200+!

I really love PE. Hahaha.

Don't wanna blog about the rest of the school hours cause I was bored, pissed and sick.

After school, I sent Kristine home. Supposed to go home and rest. But saw Matthew and Afiq. Hanged out with them under the void deck.

Matthew went to do his usual stuff.(LOL). Suddenly just turned into singing session! Matthew can actually sing quite nice eh! Not bad! I didn't know!

Went home after that, take some meds, fell asleep, woke up headache gone! :D


I really don't mind being anorexic.
I really want to starve myself sometimes. I feel that I'm not good enough.
To tell you the truth. I really feel like crying sometimes. I feel so pressurized by everything.
I remembered what my friend said. She said,"Be stronger than what's on the plate." 
That really got me inspired. Sigh. So many things to deal with.

Yesterday was cool. But I'm too lazy to blog about it.

Went to the gym today! Pumped my biceps, chest.(Primarily). A little forearm, abs and cardio!

I went 10 minutes on the treadmill. I think my stamina really boomz. After 10 minutes of running(noticed I didn't say jogging) I came down the treadmill like nothing eh! No kick!

Not trying to boast but really. LOL. Finished up my workout, got changed.

Went to have lunch with Yiyou, Kuan Tat and Ian after that.

Laughed until no tomorrow!

Went to Sun Plaza after to run some errands. Kuan Tat and Ian went to Bugis street. I'm way too shagged to go shopping.

Went to AMK hub, bought shoelaces. Went home. Listened to some Escape The Fate. A lot of time to spend on a Sunday afternoon.

Watched some videos blablabla as usual.

Ended my call with Kristine a few minutes ago.
Ah I love her (:

OH YEAH. I wanna learn bass like really desperately. It's so cool!
And I want a drumset as well... :(

School tomorrow. This week quite slack! Okay see yaaaaa!

Happy Monthsary, Kristine!

Happy first monthsary, Tupas! Hope you liked what I gave you (: It's okay we didn't go out :) We both had fun on our own way right?  Whatever I wanted to say, it's all in the book! I love you (:

A couple of pictures of me and my love (:

Today was exciting. I was excited since waking up for school. Haha! School was normal.

PE! <3 <3 <3

5 stations. Did 50 sit ups. Scored 10.3 secs for shuttle run. WA LAO SO SLOW. FUACK.

We all waited for Judgement Day. But sadly it didn't happened. He's escaping fate.

After school gave Kristine the monthsary present. She so cute she don't dare to read haha!

After that went to Dennis's house. Composed a song. Hard bodoh!

Please expect "Finest Thing" by me by the end of next month? LOL.

Went home with Hadi, Noris and Kenneth. Had a VERY VERY disturbing and funny talk... HAHA.

Today was amazing! School was normal.

And now everybody knows how dicks and nuts looks like...

Almost got into trouble as usual. Escaping my fate I would say. Haha.

After school rushed to the Library with Hadi and Erni. Managed to finish it! We only took 4 hours! Need to finish up after I finished blogging. Wow what a way to end the Friday. Chem + Physics.

Okay I don't think I'm gonna blog a lot today. Excited for tomorrow though.



TOMORRRRROWWWWW. <3

Training wasn't tough at all. Kuan Tat fuckin' died.

I feel like a bad person. I ALWAYS ALWAYS stand so helpless. I only can watch you suffer and that's what I do not want. You being happy and cheerful is always and forever will be my first priority. And I'll never doubt that. It breaks my heart to see you sad and angry where I can only tell you to "cheer up" "Chill" "Relax".

I feel like,"Hey MJ, is that the best you could do?"

It's only 3 more days. I want you to be happy for the next 3 days, and forever. 


I love you. Always will.

Transformers 3!

Yesterday planned to watch Transformers with Hadi today (: Bathe, changed, straightened my hair for like very very long. Keep going over my fringe.

MY FRINGE DON'T WANNA BE STRAIGHT. Wait sounds wrong LOL. Okay immature.

Wore my Fedora hat today (: Before going Somerset, went Yishun with Hadi to run some Family errands. Shh don't kpo (; Then went to Northpoint to print photos (:

Went Cine buy ticket. The queue is fucking long. End up buying the 6:15 show even though we reach at like 2+. Cause the earlier one all sold out! Power right!!

After getting the ticket went to get BFF again!! DAMN SHIOK. LOL. Went NTUC finest to get some popcorns and drink. Haha very stereotypical Singaporeans eh? HAHA. Walked around, went candy empire to get some snacks.

Slacked at The Heeren while waiting for the time to reach 6. Hadi got pwned by an escalator. HAHA.
Went back Cine slack until 5 + then go in.

MOVIE LIKE AWESOME ONLY. VERY NICEEEEEEE.

SPOILER ALERTTTTTTT. 
Ironhide from the Autobot team died. Sentinel Prime killed him :(
One more died as well. Some old autobot. 
BUMBLEBEE AND OPTIMUS PRIME ALMOST DIED. ALMOST.
Optimus Prime lost an arm. 
Didn't know Decepticons got blood inside of them! LOL.
Megatron died a very painful death. Disgusting.



I REALLY WANT A SONY NEX 5. REALLY WANT ONE.


Photos for today!

Me! :)

Act cool!

BFF YUMZ.

The spider that crawled on Hadi's neck. EWWWWWWWW. I had goosebumps all the way. EWW.

Fruitful day!

Yup today was awesome. ALLOWANCE DAY + SHOPPING DAY. 


Woke up today, breakfast, used laptop for awhile, bathe.

Told my mom I wanted a new bag for school. Should be getting my bag around my birthday. PURPLE BAG FTW. 


After I finished showering, spent around 1 hour doing my hair. Straightening and all that bullshit. Went over my fringe like 92342357184+ times! Got dressed and headed out.

First I headed to Northpoint to see some school bags. GOT PURPLE :D After that headed over to Ion, I don't know why. Walked to Cine. Got BFF. WA DAMN SHIOK. MAJOR YUMZZZZ.

Walked to Taka and went in to find the art shop. Cannot find. Went to the toilet and camwhore HAHA.

Went Scape, lepak. Wa lao. A LOT A LOT A LOOOOOOOOOT of mats sia.


Is mat the meaning of noisy and loud? IF NOT CAN YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP? 


Anyway, I just sit there and eat like a bawse.

Took train to City Hall and went to City Link. Spent some money at Paper Market. Talked to the boss a lot. After that went to Starbucks and STUDY. Can you guys believe it? I'M ACTUALLY STUDYING.

Finished my homework and slacked there. Shopping after that!

Went to Fourskins to look at their Fedora hats! But expensive! Went to some corner shop, they sold it at a cheaper price and it's the same kind! Bought it at $21.50!

After I wore it. Immediately ah, go toilet camwhore again! Hehehe.

Nice not my hat! :D

After that walked to City hall mrt, bounced. A tipsy guy needed some helped to go to Tanjong Pagar. Instructed him to go down at raffles place blablabla. He almost overslept AGAIN. So I woke him up and he like thanked me again and again. 

I feel like a good samaritan (: 

Got home!

FRIDAY, 1 JULY, 2011.


School was normal. Shall not get into that. After school, shall not get into that either. Went home and was supposed to prepare to go Toa Payoh. But I slept instead. Woke up at 6+? Faster prepare. Chiong!

On my way to tpy, on the train. I saw a empty sit, so I took a sit beside this grandma. And... OKAY FUCK I DON'T EVEN WANNA SAY. :( :( :( Fml.

Reach tpy. Walked to Popular to get my math textbook, Went to the customer service counter and asked for my reserved book. They spelled my name as "Ming Dun" LOL wtf. Payed up. And I don't wanna go home. I went to get Koi.
Green Tea Macchiato! <3 


After I got it, I was like, wheres my straw!? I ask the person he was like, "You need to use this knife and  slit this plastic blahblahblah." I feel like a noob. Went to some corner and enjoy! :D

I got a feeling that some noobs will talk about how dangerous the stupid little knife is soon. Pshh. LOL.

I got bored. Went to mac and ask for all the sauces that they got. Took a sit. WEIRD STARES FTW. LOLOL.

Went home after that!

SATURDAY, 2 JULY, 2011.


I slept my day away. I was planning to go Ion but slept my lazy butt away. Woke up and found my parents missing. They're at Resort World as usual.

Anybody wanna hang out tomorrow?

6 more days :D 


I lost my God damn mind, it happens all the time. 

"I got these questions always running through my head. So many things that I would like to understand"

Almost fuckin' cried today. Tears forming in my eyes.


I'm sorry. It's not that don't trust you. I trust you with all my life. It's just my feelings are getting in the way. 101% percent and my heart on the line that I trust and love you. I just feel that if I don't share I'll end up suffering on the inside. When you're angry. I feel like a terrible person. But at the same time I'm really glad that when you're angry, It means you care. Thought through in my stupid head. I'm quitting. For sure. Nonetheless all the bad influences. I promise. All my friends reminded me of my bad habits. I tried to change them. But the foolish me had done it again. I feel really bad. And stupid. Me and my best friend, and arch enemy at the same time named "jealousy" messed me up BIG time. I really love you. 101%. Every time I create a mistake, I feel so selfish. I'm sorry but I wish we would talk about it soon.

What rights do I have to even complain right now.

School was fun and filled with laughter as usual. I don't want to get into what happened in the lessons.
But I was definitely feeling very very physically uncomfortable during Chemistry.

After school waited for Kristine for her Dental appointment. WHEN IS IT GONNA BE MY TURN!!

After that went Novena Square with Kristine, Hadi, Erni, , Esther and Alexa.

Today almost tio taiji at Novena Square/Velocity KFC. Aiya don't wanna elaborate on that. Go read my tweets.

http://twitter.com/Jaytelligence


After that we walked a few rounds around Velocity. Went to some other mall after.(Forgot the name!)

Walk walk talk talk.

After that took 167 sent Kristine home then met up with Hadi.

Went home together.


Does my feelings matter anymore? I hope so but I think not. I feel so galled and indignant that I can only do so much. My guts and ego stopped me from representin'.

Training was tough as stones as usual. Darren taught us the roundhouse kick "Killzone"

He taught us how to step in and pivot out of the roundhouse kick. Very cool!

It's actually just grabbing the kick and stepping in and throw your opponent off balance.

After that was endurance round.

30 secs - Jab Cross. 
30 secs - Machine Gun right leg roundhouse.
30 secs - Machine Gun left leg roundhouse. 


When I was doing the right leg roundhouse, remembered Darren saying Machine Gun and HARD.


So I did.

GO GO GO! I think that was what Darren shouted.

BAM BAM BAM BAM! Releasing all my anger and stress.

I remembered Darren said, "THAT'S IT MING JUN. THAT'S IT. GO GO!" 


Ajarn and Darren was behind me sort of giving me "motivation"

I really felt determined and a sudden adrenaline rush to keep me going.

After that, padwork again. It fuckin' killed me. 


OHHH!


Congrats to Ben. Got promoted to Muay Thai level 1!

I've done my loved ones wrong. I've done myself wrong. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

Kanpua dulan.

FUCK YOU MANWHORE. 

Fuck half niggets.

HAIRCUT!

Went for a haircut today at MJ Toyko!

Highly recommended! 

But don't go there just for a cut. Pick the "Cut and Wash" option. 

Their shampooing skills are AMAZING. Head massage and shampooing. 

It's really worth the money! After the wash, there is a station to blow dry your hair. It's SELF SERVICE.

Gel and Hair cream are available. 

The head massage part is my favorite. All my stress and worries it's just gone like that. 

I'M NOT PAID TO SAY THIS LOL. 

My haircut end up looking like this! 

Quite okay lah I think (: 

(I don't know why I like to do that face haha!)

(See my previous video to see how my hair look like before the haircut :D)

After the haircut went to some ulu ulu place to have dinner. Had some Japanese food. 

Went Starbucks to have "dessert" after that. 

Not really dessert lah just caffeine! Espresso Frappucino! Headed home after. 

OH YA.

If you guys followed me on Twitter, You guys know I weigh around like 59.3 KG now!

I was 69 KG back in November last year! WOOHOO Happyboi96! 

But the weighing scale like buay zhun leh! Not sure lah around there I guess (:

School is starting tomorrow. KANPUA SIAN. 

Everything back to square 1. Sibei sibei sian.

SEE YA SCHOOLMATES/CLASSMATES TOMORROW. MISSED YOU GUYS! <3

I was bored. God Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts. 

SCHOOL REOPENING! NOOOO.

Sorry if I sound horrible on video.

Don't worry about the MSN pop out noises. It's mine (:

Talked to my friend when I came home. Feeling like... nothing.

I really don't want to elaborate more anymore. 

Don't even know if I am me anymore. 

Or I'm just another paint dot. 

My mind is empty.

Tolerance at it's peak.

I was annoyed until late today. Come clean to your senses and speak some COMMON SENSE.

Not that I want to discriminate to the very lowest but, dude. You gave everyone the chance to discriminate you. 

You and WHAT army. Army of nutty creatures. 

Don't get me started on... never mind. 

I am getting really pissed and annoyed. 

Hey, How about a message you all you guys. 

MAN THE FUCK UP. Act like a little bitch and whine. 

Things you're good at. 

1)Whine.

2)Whine.

3)Whine.

4)Whine. 

5)Whine. 

Oh please. Pathetic little bitches. 

Crying and whining like a bitch without a "guardian angel" 

Let's see if Mr "Guardian Angel" can take good care of your ass for the rest of your fuckin' lives. 

This is getting on my nerves since LAST YEAR. 

OH AND BITCH THIS NOT GOD DAMN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. 

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BITCH SHITS THAT AIN'T MAKING ANY FUCKING SENSE. 

That's for the great laugh. DA PUSS. 

Songs I listen to when I'm down.

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

[x]I fuckin' swear that I care but it's hard when you stare[x]
Into the bottom of a bottle that is empty and bare
Oh, my desolate soul in my desolate home
It's my desolate role, yeah I'm here all alone

[x]I can't think of a reason to get the fuck out of bed[x]
Curtains closed, lights are off, am I alive or dead?
I haven't shaved in a week, I always slur when I speak
[x]Tolerance at its peak, another fit just to sleep[x]

Oh, woe is me, woe is me, I guess I need love
Hoes you see, hoes you see I'm just in a rut
And I swear I'm tryin' baby, please baby don't leave
[x]Goddamn I'm a fuck up but I guess that's just me[x]

So I sit in my room and I'll cry in my bed
[x]Thinkin? about all the shit that made me wrong in my head[x]
I keep tryin' to climb but it seems so steep
Pour myself a fuckin' whisky and go back to sleep bitch

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

I watch my momma cry, she says baby why?
I say baby died, baby's gone like a suicide
I don't think you'll see him soon, mom stay out my room mom
Tell daddy that I hate that motherfucker like you mom

I sing this shit for you Danny, Sasha and Jordan
These beers keep getting warmer every time that I hold em'
I pour this out for you like a partner in crime
It's part of the times when you're sick in the mind

[x]Yeah, I'm sick oh so sick, I'm so sick of this shit[x]
Yeah, I'm lit oh so lit, I'm so fucked up off it
[x]So I stumble around til I stumble, fall down[x]
To this puddle of my tears layin' here on the ground

When you've got nothing left, you've got nothing left to lose
[x]With my last left single breath I'll still be singing to you[x]
So when you bury me man, you better bury me deep
And sing along to this song 'cause you're broken like me

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long, now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

And I wanna go back to the start, back where we started from
And I know it's been so long
I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong all along

And I wanna go back to the start, back where we started from
And I know it's been so long
I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong all along

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

Cause I don't wanna be like this
I've been runnin' these streets for too long now
I've got nothin' that's true but this song now
But the further I go I wanna go home

Please watch the above video and refer to the lyrics. 

Some of the lyrics with the "[x]", It represents I how feel when I'm done.

Thank you HU.

Happy Birthday Johnny 3 Tears!

Hey guys! Blogging again as usual. I'm down with a sore throat. It sucks.

It's Johnny 3 Tears birthday today! Happy birthday J3T! Your sick verses always gives me goosebumps.

     Check him out.

Here's a picture of him unmasked.  

Happy Birthday J3T! HU4L.

Okay let's get back to blogging. 

I totally lost my appetite yesterday. 

Didn't ate a crap load of shit. Well, not a lot I guess. Down with a sore throat. Going to meet Hadi like soon. Mom gave me money while I was still drowsy so I do not know what in the hell is going on. 

I really felt like blogging yesterday but the internet connection was being a bitch so.. 

Should I like upload my latest workout video or my favorite song(sort of)? 

Okay need to get back to business. Bye guys.

First post.

This is my first post. Okay. Why am I blogging? It doesn't have 140 typing limits like you do on Twitter.

Ya know, Can't really express how I usually feel. I'm not gonna care how my blog really looks like. It's the post that really matter, I guess.

I've been feeling kinda down. I'm out of drinks. I am alone at home. I want someone to talk to.

Sorry if I let some of you down.

I always think too much and a lot. Sometimes it crosses the line of negativity.
Therefore putting me in what I call,"Danger zone."

I get out of the "danger zone" fast. And I stay there. Out of it.

Okay I don't want to... ya know. Get too "emo" on my first post.

This is a late post. Goodnight!