Long and wordy post. Sorry.

I was gonna tweet about this. But, I think I rather blog. But I don't think anyone else reads it. So, who cares.

Sometimes really. I just feel like breaking down. I feel helpless. Lowest of the lowest. When it's dark, I see no light. When I reach high above, I reach no stars. I just wanna, you know, give shit up.

Life fucks me very hard sometimes. It's something that I can't take. Claiming to be okay and smiling everyday. Yeah 99% of the time I'm really bright and cheerful. 1% of the time, the devil within me just
keeps reminding me of my awful past, and the heartbreaking future. Every time when I sit in class, I day dream. That's probably when the 1% comes in.

I really don't want this. Sometimes, it's really hard to share your problems with others. Be it your friends for 9 years or 11 years. Sometimes, the trust within someone is tested. It really got me whether to trust. Well, some of them out are worthy of my trust.

Right now I just feel really down. Hey devil. You won against me. You broke me. You tied me down with your chains of insecurities. What can I do? Congratulations.

I really couldn't bear to see the future. Or even thinking about it. The helpless me can get me no where. All the grieve and pain inside wanna just let out but the stubborn me just keeps on saying, "It's okay."

I like to cheer people up when they're sad. I like to be optimistic. But now, I don't want things to change. I still want to be optimistic, I still wanna be happy. But times like this, it's gonna be so hard. Really just writing a post about this, is making me really upset.

People say,"A problem shared is a problem halved." But, sometimes my problems are just so stupid. Over-thinking. Yes that's probably it.

People say, "The past is the past." Yeah I agree. But it really gets me thinking. Yeah you say the past is stupid. Yeah I'm pretty sure the 13 scars on my arms are stupid as well yeah? Yeah it's stupid. Really stupid.

I gave all my hope away, Isn't any left for me?
Take the knife and twist it. Where's my heart? You missed it. 
Breathing is a luxury that I just shouldn't have.


Well, I've got so much more to say. But it's probably time to sleep. Goodnight.