I'm in a mess and I miss you.

This post is dedicated to my girlfriend.

Hey babe, I know you'll never forgive me this time. Not ever. Since you said, "Why should I?!?!" My life took a huge turn after you said that.

I've no idea how to apologize what happened on Saturday. A thousand sorries. It won't help, I know. I'm dying inside, knowing this is gonna end. Soon. I cried. I cried a lot.

I cried 9 times yesterday night. Cried till I suffered from a headache which lasted until now. These 3 months, you're the only one that can make me smile, just by saying hi.

I still remembered our first date out to town. Our first kiss outside Ngee Ann City.

After every date, I hoped to send you home to make sure you're safe. I would do ANYTHING and I mean anything to make sure you reach home safe and sound.

Missing the last train sometimes ain't nothing to me when you're safe at home and going to sleep with a smile on your face. I always reminded myself that your happiness is my number one priority. I failed to sort of "fulfill" that sometimes.

I'm definitely gonna miss traveling from places to places without you by my side. Taking the public transport without you resting on my shoulders. I'm tearing up as I write this post. Sorry if you think that I ever took you for granted.

I know you already gave me TWO chances. I'm a stupid, stupid guy. I'm a bad boyfriend. I don't even dare to ask for the third chance. But please, if you could. I will go down on my knees. Do whatever you want me to.

"I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave." - Perfect - Hedley.

This song means a lot. I cried every time I listen to this song alone. It never fails.

Saturday, Jalan Raya. I cried on the bus 853. I had to borrow Diyana's shades to cover up my red eyes. Reason I cried?

Upon seeing Noris and Diyana being so cute and lovely, my tears can't help but to roll down. In my mind I think, "How I wish we were like this."

It's all my fault now. This already happened twice I guess. I've been skipping meals cause I was too depressed to even eat. I would run to the toilet, turn on the shower, play some loud music and just cry. Hoping that no one outside would hear me in despair.

I was planning to bring you to USS on our anniversary. I'm dying day by day, Tupas.

Sorry that I've EVER hurt you in anyway. I just don't know how to express it.

I'm always a shy fella towards you dear. Always. I need to man up just to talk to you. I'm not even kidding.

When I'm sad, no one can cheer me up but you. Now, I don't even know if you would text me ever again.

Remember what happened on Inez birthday? We were so close. I really missed that. I could remember each and every memory together with you.

With that being said, I love you, Kristine Tupas Querubin. How could I ever deny this. I'm deeply sorry.

My actions brought me huge regrets. - MJ. As you would call me, "Jay".

"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now." - Chevalier des Fleurs

Heard you cried today. I'm sorry. I "ignored" you because I thought you were angry at me the whole time after physics. So I thought I let you chill for a while. Don't misunderstand. I am not angry at you.

If you think I don't care, I always did. You meant everything to me. I miss you now. I just grew stronger, harder and less sensitive. Which I am happy about. Ignoring you wasn't a part of the changes. I'm sorry.

Based on all the fights we had, It's all about me being over sensitive. I overcame that. I'm not THAT sensitive anymore. I still care. A lot. Trust me.

Look, I didn't mean to ignore you. I thought you were really angry at me, so I didn't talk to you because I thought you would get even more pissed. I know that you're angry at me. I'd blame myself for that as well. A thousand sorries would not do it. Sorry for breaking promises again and again.

I remembered one time I told myself, "Your happiness is my first priority." I failed that, I'm sorry. I'm for the tears. This is all my fault. Reply me soon, Tupas.

Hurt once and hurt no more.

Emotional based song. 

What I vowed I must fulfill. There's no point.

Happy 2nd Monthsary, Tupas! Love you!

Latest photo of us both :)

HAPPY 2ND MONTHSARY KRISTINE. <3 <3 

Did you remember today?

8-6-11. This is where we lived life together. When you're sad, I'll be there. When I'm sad, You're there. 

When you're happy, I'm happy. I know you do not like me to be mushy, but, only for today (: 

We quarreled sometimes. But I think that is what make us come back stronger, yeah? (:

You know me, I'm awfully quiet, shy around people. Sorry (: I'm not talkative. But around you, I tried being talkative and stuff. Tried. Haha. I'm awkward that's why (: I hate that I'm not funny. But I tried to be and I fail miserably! HAHA. My cold jokes power right! (: 

Just to tell you that I appreciate whatever you've done for me. You changed me! (: 

Well, I love you, Kristine Tupas Querubin. I really do. Everyday I'm looking forward to see you during school hours. Cause seeing your smily face is what make me smily (: That sense of expectancy to look forward to another day. (: 

Not loving you is harder than you know.

Looking forward for the future! Hope what I still see, it's you! I love you! 

A simple analogy. Live well.

Life is like a blister. Blisters form when the skin is damaged by friction. After a while, it heals and sometimes turns "hard". When it does, the "hardened" scar acts like a shield. A shield from pain. It's like life. I guess.


After you get hurt the first time, you got to deal with the pain and wait for everything to heal. After the bullshit ends, your "hardened scar" aka your mind, becomes strong. Nothing seems to hurt anymore.


Everyone in life should face this "blister process". Well, I don't know if it is good or bad. This is just a simple analogy I came up.

Victim of another trap.

Well. Seriously. Who to turn to now? It feels like no one is there for me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

I seriously feel helpless. Sorry for being over sensitive. I just really care a lot. Sorry for being so naggy and irritating. Well. I really love you. As cheesy as it sounds but yeah.

Umpteen times I told you to change. Results were in vain. Well, sorry if I ain't good enough. Sorry if I'm not what you expect me to be. Sorry my feelings got in the way. Sorry for being restricting. But all this I said, I don't want it to sound like I don't care. But yeah.

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame you. Not at all. Not a single bit. I'm so sorry.

Don't know if anybody really reads my blog.

Now listening to, Escape The Fate - Not Good Enough For The Truth In Cliche.

Today was the bomb man! Met up with my fellow Young punk Kuan Tat to go for a haircut together. 

Waited for him at City Hall. Didn't have the patience to wait, so I went shopping first. So many band tees that I like! 

Bring Me The Horizon, Suicide Silence, Alesana, Escape The Fate, Bless The Fall, Avenged Sevenfold, My Chemical Romance, Mayday Parade. AH SO MANY MORE. Name it you have it. 

At first, I doubted the boss. He was like,"Name the band you want." I got skeptical NOT KNOWING his knowledge of knowing all the bands. I was like,"... erm Escape The Fate?" Boss - "Oh haven't come yet." 

He said,"Here got Bring Me The Horizon, Suicide Silence. Or you want newer bands like Mayday Parade? We got Mcr, maybe A7X?" I WAS LIKE :OOOOOOOO WHUT. 

$20 ONLY. 

Which one to get? DECISIONS. 

After that met up with Kuan Tat. Walked to MJ Toyko to cut hair bla bla. After haircut followed him go smoke. Haha fuck sia. 

I shouted "MATA/POLICE" he jump bodoh! WTF LOL.

After that dinner. Laugh like no tomorrow. LOLOL. After dinner follow him go second round. Followed by 3rd, 4th. LOLOL.

Went to the airport after that. Pick my cousin up. WOOO HAPPYBOI! :) 

Her luggage DAMN heavy. LOL. 

HOME. 

Mika Horiuchi. AH. *BURNS*